Summer time is upon us and so in this, the first installment of the Man Cave, we discuss grilling. This is the south and here the backyard BBQ is one of the most time-honored and integral family activities. This summer I urge you to man up and ditch the fake stuff. No more propane or charcoal. It’s time to get back to the roots of the BBQ: open pits, bloody meat, and wood. That’s right, honest-to-God real hardwood. There are only three components of any real consequence when we fire up to cook like men. These are the grill, the fire, and the meat.

Everything else can be an afterthought or completely ignored.

First we’ll cover the grill. It’s not that hard. It should be metal and roughly grill-like. I have one in my yard that is a simple metal mesh that can be suspended over a fire. The thing that is noteworthy about my grill is that it is six feet across, which gives me nearly 30 square feet of cooking area. That means that when I am grilling for the assembled horde there is no need for anyone to wait for the second round of hot dogs to go over the fire. Even while cooking the quarter pound all beef dogs that I like to have, I can get over a hundred of them on the grill at one time. The only question then is, how to keep up with all that glorious meat and ensure even cooking? My grill is on a swiveling hinge so that I can move the meat easily over the fire to adjust the position of the entire cooking surface. You don’t get that at Walmart; you have to build it. Building is a man thing; learn it. My grill in Afghanistan was made from an old oil drum and some floor grating that I cleaned and repurposed.

This brings us to the fire. When you are grilling it is paramount that you maintain constant control of the fire. There are a few ways to manage this task. First there is the selection of the wood. This must be a hard wood. Some reports say that Poplar is ok, but lets stick to Oak and Hickory. Black Poplar will make your steaks smell like feet and pine will ruin everything. Stay far afield of all stone fruit trees, like peach and cherry. These produce arsenic and will cause you to get sick. Unfortunately we were often forced to settle for pine pallet wood on the oil drum grill, but we had a grill!

Next, build the fire you need for the meat that you’re cooking. Are you smoking chicken wings? For this I use a low fire under only half of the grill and cover my wings with a metal lid. Leave this to slow smoke for a few hours, turning occasionally. You’ll find that smoked wings are delicious with nothing. But if you must have the additional flavors, then hand spin in butter and hot sauce or herbs. What flavor doesn’t matter as much but don’t slack on the butter. If you’re getting fat from too much butter, then you just aren’t working hard enough. Having steak? Burn baby burn. Now it’s time to get out the leaf blower and stoke the fire like you’re getting ready to recast Excalibur. The secret to a great steak is to get it done and get it done fast. The perfect steak is almost medium rare. At rare you haven’t gotten the flavors of the wood into the steak and at medium you have decided to serve shoe leather. At well done you have surrendered your right to man the grill. Just a hare over rare and just before medium rare there is a mild molecular change in the meat that causes the connective tissues in the muscle to begin breaking down. If you must put it on a plate for presentation then it should be the last item to hit the plate. Any other fixings should be done and ready to serve before the steak even hits the grill. When the steak is done it should be served immediately. The correct answer is to have everything else out on a table near the grill. Slice your steak into bite-sized strips, slap them on the grill for 30 seconds a side, and eat directly from the fire. As long as you begin with a good quality piece of meat, you can’t undercook a steak. However, if you go just that little hair past rare it will be a more tender steak with a much richer flavor.

And remember men, it’s ok to wear an apron if you use those pockets to hold your beer while you’re chopping wood for the grill!