Dear Dave,

I make $2,100 a month after taxes and I have accumulated $46,000 in credit card debt. My husband makes more than I do, but he won’t help me. He says I got myself into this mess, so it’s my job to stop being irresponsible and fix it on my own. Do you have any advice?

Peggy

Dear Peggy,

You’ve got a load of debt hanging over your head right now, but I think you’ve got bigger problems than that. You told me you’re married, yet it sounds to me like you two are living entirely different and separate lives. This seems more like a roommate situation than a healthy, loving marriage.

I don’t like your husband’s attitude, but he does have a valid point in one respect. You were irresponsible with money and now you’ve got a pile of debt on your hands. My big question is this: Where was he while all this was going on? Were you hiding it from him? And where was the communication and decision making, financial and otherwise, couples should engage in? Married people can’t live this way and win in their relationship or with money.

The two of you desperately need to seek marriage counseling together. This relationship is on the rocks. You and your husband obviously have no trust or respect for each other and there’s a definite lack of communication, unity and shared goals. I don’t know what happened to bring things to this point, but the preacher didn’t pronounce you guys a joint venture when you got married; he said you were now one.

A little maturity, extra work and living on a simple budget will go a long way toward fixing most personal finance issues. But your marriage is in big trouble, Peggy. Please seek help!

— Dave