Dear Dave,
My fiancé told me the other day he’s going to buy a failing restaurant with his mom, sister, and a family friend. None of them have any food service or business experience, and he has never said anything about wanting to own a restaurant. When I questioned him about it, he said it was his mother’s idea. I don’t want to be part of this, and it wouldn’t be his first big surprise decision, so I told him I would walk away from the marriage if he pursues this. I feel bad about it, because he didn’t really do anything wrong. Do you think I’m making a wise decision?
Carla
Dear Carla,
Yes, he did do something wrong. He put his controlling mommy ahead of his bride-to-be, and it sounds like it’s not the first time he’s made big decisions without consulting you. Any man who doesn’t consider the feelings of his wife or fiancée in an important decision-making process is not marriage material. I think your decision was heartbreaking, but wise.
Going into a partnership with family like this is unwise. There’s a lot of messed up stuff in his family dynamic. And it’s not like you won’t support your man and his dreams and decisions, but those dreams need to contain wisdom and consideration for you. Otherwise, any dream will fast become a nightmare.
I know it hurts, Carla, but this was not the right guy for you. Money problems are one of the biggest causes of divorce in America today. Trouble with in-laws is another, and you almost signed up for both. I’m sorry you had to make such a tough call.
If you want to salvage this, you could explain to him that he needs to make better decisions to win your hand again. In this case, making better decisions means involving you in the process, and giving your thoughts, feelings, and opinions the respect they deserve.
—Dave
