JUST BAFFLING
Boy's Growth Explodes In 48 Hours

In my four years of working for the Smallville Ledger, I have come across many a story that was rough on the explanation mechanism housed within my skull. Whether it was teenagers turning into ice statues or an epidemic of spontaneous combustion, there have been some times when I had to ask myself, "How are you going to explain this one?" The assignment my editor just threw on my desk a few hours ago classifies as one such moment.

Here are the details in a nutshell: An infant boy named Evan was found in the center of a crater in Evan's Field (get it?) by local teenagers Lana Lang and Clark Kent. Within a couple of hours, the boy had aged the equivalent of seven years. Ten hours later, he was roughly 15 years old. By hour forty-eight, he had burst into a ball of energy so strong he destroyed the windmill in Chandler's Field.

"I am not ruling out the possibility that this was all just an elaborate prank courtesy of this year's graduating class of Smallville High" commented Sheriff Nancy Adams. Department officials searched the crater in Evan's Field and concluded that it was indeed fresh and not a holdover from the 1989 meteor shower. "The cause was certainly an explosion. Weather or not the blast was caused by a very difficult childbirth or a pile of M80s smuggled in from Tijuana is yet to be determined."

According to SHS senior Chloe Sullivan, Evan suffered from an accelerated growth rate most likely brought on by his mother's overexposure to the Smallville meteor rocks. If there is any truth to this story, Evan's growth would be unprecedented in documented scientific history. Apparently the boy also developed the ability to read and write within 24 hours as well. Faithful readers, we are not making this up. Stop double-checking the masthead. You did not accidentally pick up a copy of the Metropolis Inquisitor.

The sheriff's department is also looking into a death of a local car mechanic, Tanner Sutherland, who was stabbed in the back with a tire pick. Kent and Lang claim that Sutherland is the actual father of Evan. The purported mother, Karen Douglass, has been reported missing.