TOWN TO TRASH TV:
GO HOME!

By Frank Moore

The self-proclaimed meteor capital of the world had a close encounter of the lurid kind this week when a tabloid television program set its sights on Smallville. A team from "X-Styles," the cable show about the paranormal, came to town looking to stir up controversy and reopen old wounds. What it found, instead, was a community united in outrage.

Derided by critics as "junk journalism" trading on "freaks and shrieks," the show is known for its sensational stories on bizarre supernatural phenomena, apparently what one of its researchers, Perry White, hoped to uncover here.

White was spotted all over town, often with a camera crew in tow, badgering local residents about accidents, crimes and mildly controversial incidents that had occurred in Smallville's past. His angle, according to witnesses, was that these events were somehow the result of the devastating meteor shower 14 years ago.

"This so-called news show was going to make us look like a laughingstock or worse," said B.B. Davenport, president of the Chamber of Commerce. "We've worked too hard at building Smallville's reputation as a place that businesses can confidently invest in. The last thing we need is this kind of publicity."

But it seems White went too far when he badgered the teenage assistant manager of The Talon café, Lana Lang, whose parents were tragically killed by the meteors when she was a child. Sources say Lex Luthor, the owner of the Talon, had strong words for the TV muckraker.
"At no point did Mr. Luthor threaten Mr. White," said a spokesman for LuthorCorp. "He did, however, indicate that legal action would be taken against Mr. White and his organization if any further harassment of Talon employees took place."

White also endangered the safety of townsfolk with his reckless behavior and was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol after crashing his car next to the Smallville welcome sign.

Ironically, White was once known as a respectable reporter in Metropolis, where he earned the nickname "Pitbull," along with several Kerth and Pulitzer Prize nominations for his investigative work. However, sources said he eventually quit mainstream journalism after serious "errors in judgment." Further details were not available.

After less than a week, White was forced to leave Smallville without his exposé. "Clearly, even a show that regularly fabricates stories couldn't find anything negative here," said Davenport. "I'm not surprised. This is a super town that we can all take pride in."

SEARCH FOR
HELEN
BRYCE-LUTHOR RESUMED
Coast Guard Finds Parachute
On Caribbean Island
By George "The Streak" Talmer

It has been four weeks since Dr. Helen Bryce-Luthor was reportedly sucked out of the LuthorCorp jet that was carrying her and her husband, Lex Luthor, as they attempted for a second time to take their honeymoon. After an exhaustive search on several Caribbean islands, the Coast Guard received its first encouraging news yesterday.

Officials in Dominica, part of the Windward Islands, have found a parachute near the small fishing village of Calibishie, on the northeastern tip of the British Commonwealth nation. Spencer Creighton, head of the search-and-rescue mission for the U.S. Coast Guard, said, "Two fisherman discovered the parachute in some vegetation just off the beach. It had LuthorCorp markings on it. The chute was opened and undamaged, so this is encouraging news."

Just two days earlier, Coast Guard authorities had called off the search for Dr. Bryce-Luthor, much to the chagrin of her husband, Lex Luthor. Mitchell Taylor, spokesman for LuthorCorp and the Luthor family, said that Lex "is relieved that the search is still on. He would love nothing more than to be able to see his bride again."

Dr. Bryce-Luthor's father, Stanley Bryce, the famed Metropolis plastic surgeon, received the news with guarded optimism. "If they found a parachute, then my daughter is likely still alive. But why would she willingly jump from a plane that Lex was later able to land? Why hasn't she tried to call us? This just isn't adding up for me."

Officials are currently combing Calibishie and the nearby Melville Hall Airport for anyone that may have come into contact with Dr. Bryce-Luthor. Creighton cautioned the media not to get overly enthusiastic, however. "Judging from where the plane lost cabin pressure and the location of Dominica, this chute may have actually been from the LuthorCorp jet that crashed in May."

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,
SMALLVILLE!
Town Celebrates Heritage
In Style

Compiled by Carlos Hardy

Don't be alarmed--you haven't fallen into a time warp.
Next week, your newspaper will come to you directly from 1961, as Smallville History Month inspires another special edition of the Ledger. Last year, we turned the clock back to the moment the meteors hit in 1989. This time, we return you to another pivotal moment in our turbulent history, when Smallville grieved for the loss of one of its daughters in a murder mystery that some say has never been satisfactorily solved.
Here are some of the other exciting historical events taking place around Smallville this week:

• The Smallville Historical Society will hold its annual reenactment of the famous shootout between Nathaniel Kent, Joshua Freeman and Jeb Kent.
• The Ezra Small House will exhibit newly unearthed pages of the Ezra Small diary. Writer Chris Beppo will speak about the latest findings of the Ezra Small Project and preview his book, which goes on sale later this year.
• Following a somber ceremony in which the names of the meteor shower victims are read to the tolling of the memorial bell near the Smallville War Memorial, the families of the victims will hold their annual spaghetti dinner and scholarship fund-raiser. Also during the evening, Mayor William Tate will be honored for his 40 years of service to the people of Smallville.
• The ladies' auxiliary, led by the Ledger's Kathy Romita, will unveil a special commemorative diorama of Silas Kent's original one-room office, where he first published the Lawrence Ledger in the mid-1850s. Romita will follow the presentation with an informative and entertaining lecture entitled "Miniatures: They're Bigger Than You Think!"
• And finally, Joseph Willowbrook will lead a rally to change the name of our village from Smallville to Kawatche, Kansas. The gathering will be held on the land above LuthorCorp's Kawatche caves.
  

FROM THE
SHERIFF'S FILES
Periodically, the Ledger reports on unusual or unique reports found within the Sheriff Department's files.

This week, a call came into the Sheriff's office reporting that a tractor had fallen from the sky. At least two witnesses, including high-profile TV tabloid reporter Perry White, claim that the tractor dropped from above.

According to Sheriff Adams' report, the tractor belonged to Jonathan Kent, who said that he and his son saw someone stealing the tractor using a flatbed truck. The tractor apparently fell off the swift-moving truck, breaking apart and scattering across two lanes of county blacktop. The Sheriff's Department has no suspects but has issued a warning to local farmers advising them to store all farm equipment securely at night to prevent further theft or damage.