TOWN CALLED MALICE

Sheriff Disgraced

By Angie Perez

After the recent arrest of Sheriff Ethan Miller, questions plague residents about the future of law enforcement in Smallville. Who's in charge now that we're without a sheriff? The town council's emergency meeting following the fiasco has apparently yielded few results, as an interim sheriff has yet to be named.

Citizens expect their leaders to navigate them through murky moral waters, not deceive them and become the very evildoers they're fighting against. Our once beloved Sheriff Ethan didn't merely fall from grace--he took a headlong plunge into the criminal cesspool.

Close friends of the accused killer are still in shock over the crimes. According to Hal Knox, a longtime fishing buddy of Ethan's, the sheriff wasn't his usual self lately. "Ethan did seem a bit depressed. He had lost his interest in fishing, which I knew for sure was a sign that something was troubling him. But I had no inkling whatsoever that it would come to this. I still can't believe he would harm anybody."

What is evident is that the sheriff was clearly on the brink of insanity. As reported here in the Ledger, Sheriff Ethan--in his attempt to frame Jonathan Kent--made the ridiculous claim that Kent's blood alcohol level was 2.0. As everyone knows, this would be more than high enough to kill anyone.
Others showed little compassion for the fallen lawman. "I never trusted him. He was always a bit sneaky to me," observed one senior citizen. Cousins Luke and Bo Herzog, who had their share of run-ins with Miller, were quick to comment on the sheriff's plight. "Now Mr. High and Mighty gets to see what it's like on the other side of them bars."

DESIGNER DRUGS
IN SMALLVILLE
All The Rave?
By Helen Bryce, M.D.

Tremors, schizophrenia, nausea/vomiting, heart attacks, strokes, seizures and death. With side effects like these, why would anyone take designer drugs?

As a physician at Smallville Medical Center, I see a variety of sick people every day. Illness and accidents occur. I'm glad to help. But it is frustrating to treat a patient who doesn't have respect for his own body and brings the medical emergency on himself--by taking nonprescribed drugs.
With the possible recent introduction of so-called designer drugs (see accompanying article) in Lowell County comes the necessity to warn potential users about the dire consequences of playing Russian roulette with your health. Designer drugs are laboratory-made versions of current
U.S.-controlled substances. In layman's terms, they are created by a person who buys a bunch of chemicals, mixes them and sells them. And they are NOT manufactured under the watchful eye of the Federal Drug Administration (FDA).

Last week, Metropolis Special Crimes Unit Officer Maggie Sawyer spoke at Smallville Middle School at an anti-drug rally. She emphasized the need for parents to get involved and monitor their children's behavior. If your son or daughter exhibits unusual conduct--then investigate the cause. Don't assume it's just a phase.

Medical doctors and pharmacists spend many tireless years learning the chemical makeup of medications. If you want a high, watch the sunset over the Kansas plains. That always works for me.

NOTED LINGUIST STUDYING CAVES

By Jim "Slim" Bradlee

Lending credence to suspicions that the caves under town possess more significance than the public may be aware of, world-renowned linguist and cryptographer Fredrick Walden has interrupted his demanding schedule to reside in Smallville for a brief period while studying and hopefully deciphering mysterious carvings and symbols on the cave walls.
One of the most highly paid and sought-after experts on language, Professor Walden was on his way to Chile to study inscriptions in the Miladon Cave, but he diverted his travels upon learning of cave administrator Lex Luthor's discoveries in the Smallville caverns.

"Normally, I would not have shuffled my schedule for such a mundane locale as Smallville--no offense intended--but what I'm seeing down there is truly intriguing, and it virtually cries out for a person of my expertise and intellect to bring it to light. I was glad to offer my services to Mr. Luthor."
Following the death of a local teen during a raucous party in the caves, 24-hour security was placed around the perimeter of the site, and all visits to the area by the general public have been prohibited. Despite the tragedy, some local residents wonder why such extensive restrictions are necessary. Commented one observer outside the police tape, "What the heck is the big secret?"

WILD ON SMALLVILLE
By Gena McGuiness

Young people have always taunted death. They parry with mortality and revel in their seeming invincibility. But for three unfortunate local teens and their families, death has once again proved triumphant.

Seventeen-year-old Smallville High student Travis George daringly leaped 30 feet to his end Friday night during an underground party. The following day, Ray Overland of Grandville died after taking a swan dive into an empty pool. On Monday, first-year Smallville Community College student Martin Buck perished in a solo car accident when his Corolla plowed into a tree.

Authorities estimated his speed to have been approximately 90mph--with no signs of an attempt to slow or stop.

Few of us can deny the recklessness of our youth. But this recent rash of tragedies seems beyond teenage carelessness. Witnesses say that each teen was exhibiting extreme behavior as if under the influence, though toxicology tests on the young men were inconclusive. "We know that the victims were at that rave party Friday night, and we think that all three may have taken some strange designer drug... maybe even unknowingly injected. We haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play here," says a sheriff's spokesperson.