SMALLVILLE RAVAGED

On Heels of Plant Closing,
Triple Tornado Hits Smallville--Worst Damage Since Meteors

Video of twister taken by B.B. Davenport
off South Loeb Bridge Road
By Kathy Romita

A trio of twisters descended upon Smallville last night and left a path of destruction in its wake. Thankfully, the National Weather Service issued a tornado warning that was repeatedly broadcast on radio and television, and Sheriff Ethan relayed the message to those organizations holding large functions--like the dance at Smallville High. Although some residents are still unaccounted for, these cautions are probably responsible for the low incidence of serious injuries even though the tornado was a furious one. People were warned, and they took cover.

Funnel clouds were spotted to the south of Smallville, hovering in the skies over neighboring Edge City and Bludhaven. These two clouds converged with a third twister and set down in southern Smallville, hitting the town like a three-headed monster and leaving a trail of ruin as wide as the town itself.
After the storm, the Talon coffeehouse was quickly converted into an emergency first-aid center. While buildings surrounding the historical landmark suffered damage, the theater remained intact. Manager Nell Potter served free beverages while volunteers administered to the injured and displaced. Later, her niece and assistant manager, Lana Lang, who was shaken from her own close encounter with the twister, arrived to help.
The town now looks like a dumping ground for splintered wood, and piles of concrete rubble mark the spots where buildings once stood. Fences catapulted like spears as people rushed to their storm cellars. Farmer Zeke Jones exclaimed, "I nearly lost my head--literally--as I ran behind the house towards our refuge. A six-foot-long section of fence came right at me. I ducked into the cellar in the nick of time."

Smallville resident Vicki Stone recalls, "Even before I saw the funnel clouds, I could actually 'see' the wind. I was driving my car and watched the wind blowing in front of me. Then I spotted one, then two, then three twisters as they came together! I tried to outdrive the huge tornado, but I couldn't, so I pulled up to a ditch, pushed my door open and lay down on the ground. I was so scared. When it was over, I got up, and my car was missing. I still don't know what happened to it!"
"I haven't witnessed this kind of devastation since the meteor shower," said 72-year-old Native American Grey Lone Wolf. "Legend has it that wherever three rivers meet, no tornados will occur. Unfortunately, Smallville only has one river." But longtime farmer Wes Moore has another concern. He lamented, "I'm worried about the crops. They're ruined. It will be hard to recover from this."

Esther Miller received medical attention at Smallville Medical Center after the storm. The elderly woman was terribly frightened and needed help calming her nerves. Miller confessed, "I thought it was the end of the world. I had just finished feeding my hogs. The wind was so strong. My husband called me to the cellar. Right before he closed the door, I looked out. The barn was breaking apart, and one of my hogs was flying through the air! Poor thing."

This storm was accurately predicted by Kansas State University Professor Thomas Bolide who sought shelter in an undisclosed location during the tempest. "The Smallville tornado was much stronger than the one last year in Bludhaven," proclaimed the scientist. "This one might even have been an F5."

Reportedly, tornados can be as wide as a mile and last as long as one hour. The National Weather Service has sent a team to investigate the damage and grade the storm as an actual tornado. In the past, the NWS would examine the wind movement by studying the damage, the force and the swirl of the wind.

Medical personnel at the Smallville Medical Center tried to keep pace with the constant stream of patients. Dr. Kenneth Ruddzehn admitted that most of the injuries were minor, but he did treat some more serious problems--people with weak hearts, abrasions, broken bones and some head injuries. Mogul Lionel Luthor was among the victims, his head heavily bandaged.
Sheriff Ethan and his deputies were kept busy serving and protecting. Ethan said, "I'm real proud at the way my staff pitched in. Heck we all wanted to be home with our families at a time like this, but we had a job to do. We had a lot of help from some of the high school students who accompanied us around town. Makes you proud to be part of such a fine community. Thanks, kids."

The Red Cross has set up an official relief center at the Smallville Community Center on Main Street. The federal government has a temporary office on Main as well. And the Smallville Insurance Company is also working around the clock on claims.

NOTORIOUS JOURNALIST
SHOT DEAD
Luthor Holding Smoking Gun

By Christopher James Beppo

After a career of raising hackles and--his detractors might say--lowering journalistic standards, outspoken Inquisitor columnist Roger Nixon met his end in Smallville--but not during the tornado. Nixon survived the tempest but was later shot in the chest and killed by businessman Lex Luthor during a scuffle with local farmer Jonathan Kent.

The incident capped a week of bizarre and sometimes miraculous occurrences as Smallville endured its most devastating disaster since the meteor shower. It also represents the only reported local fatality of the week.

Details are sketchy as to what brought Nixon to Smallville and what led to his encounter with Kent, who was injured in the brawl. Kent refused to comment on Nixon's motives, and Sheriff Ethan was equally tight-lipped. As expected, Luthor's publicist did not return telephone messages either. Ethan hastily released Luthor after a cursory interview at the scene, perhaps considering the millionaire heir a low flight risk should a real investigation ever take place.

"Sounds like a pretty clear-cut case of self-defense of a third party," the recently installed lawman confidently concluded, ignoring a reporter's request for elaboration on that rather broad pronouncement. It is unknown
whether or not Luthor has a prior criminal record, but Ethan has apparently closed the case based solely on the statements of Luthor and Kent and a brief survey of the site.

Roger "Rainman" Nixon was born on April 12, 1965, in Missoula, Montana. As a freshman at Big Sky High School, Nixon foreshadowed his future career by creating the student newspaper's opinion column, "From My Big Fat Mouth to Your Ears." After earning a bachelor's degree in journalism from Kansas State University (founding the Collegian editorial section titled "Shut Up and Listen To Me Already"), he settled in nearby Metropolis, beginning a stint at the Inquisitor that would end in tragedy after 14 years.

Nixon's weekly syndicated column, "What No One Else Is Telling You," stirred controversy by frequently lavishing praise on Lex Luthor, whose dubious family legacy had made him a less-than-welcome newcomer to Smallville last year. Many observers have noted the irony of Luthor's most vocal champion becoming his gunshot victim, and few would deny that the famously crabby Nixon could hardly have imagined a more ironic twist for his own obituary.

A memorial service is not planned at this time. Nixon is survived by a younger brother, Milhous, and five ex-wives.

LIONEL LUTHOR
AMONG THE INJURED
Couldn't Have Happened To A Nicer Guy, Town Says

By Jim "Slim" Bradlee

Kansas residents have long known that tornados don't adhere to class distinctions: They're equal-opportunity destroyers. Smallville's citizens need only look up at the wind-blasted Luthor mansion to confirm that credo.
Lex Luthor's ancestral home stood for centuries in Scotland and survived a transatlantic crossing, only to find itself situated on one of the most dangerous plots in America. Now, gaping holes mark the former location of broad, intricate stained-glass windows, and piles of rubble are all that's left of some of the ornate turrets and overhangs.

But just as the storm claimed shacks and castles alike, it attacked farmhands and billionaires with the same rage. Reports soon reached the media that LuthorCorp capo Lionel Luthor was in town when the twisters converged, and he was among the wounded lining the overcrowded halls of Smallville Medical Center--alongside, ironically, some of the thousands of people he and his son had recently thrown into unemployment with the devastating closure of LuthorCorp Fertilizer Plant No. 3.

The elder Luthor's critical condition prevented transportation to the better-equipped Metropolis General Hospital, but Lex flew in specialists to personally supervise the surgery. "Structurally, my home is still sound, but I'm more concerned with the condition of my father at the moment, if you don't mind," commented Lex as he hurried into the hospital entrance.
Earlier, the harried heir had revealed that he and Lionel were chatting in the library of the mansion when the building shook violently and a large stained-glass window suddenly exploded, showering shards onto them. Although he was dazed from a bookshelf toppling onto him, Lex didn't hesitate to heroically rescue his father, who was pinned in agony under a fallen column. After another piece of debris knocked Lionel unconscious, Lex rushed him to the medical center.

Dr. Ben Moore from Metropolis General told reporters that Luthor suffered damage to his spine and possibly his optic nerve. "I've been asked by the Luthor family not to discuss anything further at this time," he said, before returning to the bustling emergency room.
Few of the patients awaiting treatment could muster much sympathy for the Luthors, given that only days earlier, Lionel had abruptly shuttered the huge plant allegedly due to Lex's mismanagement. As one heavily bandaged victim put it, "I heard Luthor's eyes were pretty jacked up when they brought him in. Maybe he'll be able to see what he's done to this town now."