JONATHAN KENT

RELEASED FROM JAIL

Cleared of All Charges

by Kathy Romita

After a brief stay in the county jail, Jonathan Kent was released yesterday and cleared of all charges relating to the murder of Mozart Jackson. His arrest was described by Sheriff Waid as a "terrible mistake." Acting on a tip from the Metropolis Police Department, deputies searched the Kent family farm and found the murder victim in the barn. They discovered a gun in Kent's truck and arrested the stalwart citizen. His horrified wife, Martha, and their son, Clark, were also present.

A former star running back for the 1980 Smallville High School state championship football team, Kent was a leader both on and off the field. Nell Potter, a current neighbor and former classmate
of Kent's, said, "Anyone who knows Jonathan Kent realizes he could never be involved in something like that. He's a fine, upstanding citizen. Dependable. Trustworthy. Ready to help out in any crisis."

Sheriff Waid admits that members of the Metropolis Police Department are investigating the murder and the obvious staging of the crime scene. Waid remarked, "Looks like the victim was shot elsewhere and deposited here. Someone on the Metropolis PD knows how to plant something other than crops." The Internal Affairs Department of the MPD is currently investigating allegations that a now deceased member of the force was a dirty cop and responsible for the murder of Jackson.

AUTO REPAIR SHOPS:
THE FUTURE ECONOMY
OF A SMALL TOWN?

By Jimmy Byrne
Syndicated from The Daily Planet

The former "Creamed Corn Capital of the World" became "The Meteor Capital of the World!" in 1989 after a freak meteor shower pummeled our diminutive neighbor, Smallville. Thirteen years later, it seems that the growing small town--home of a LuthorCorp fertilizer plant--might be set to win a new title.

A record 59 automobile-related incidents have occurred in Smallville since October alone. And the townsfolk are only half joking when they say the sign outside of town should now read "Car Wreck Capital of the World." Cars are flying off bridges. They're hitting deer. Or, they're just plain careening out of control. For some residents, this trend is just fine--as long as no one is hurt--and they're repairing all the way to the bank.

"I'd say my business is up maybe three, four times what it was last year," local auto-body repairman B.B. Davenport told the Planet. "I don't know if these kids just aren't getting proper driver's ed or what, but I can barely keep up with the business. I'm saving for a down payment on a house up near Luthor's place--you think I'm gonna complain?"

Davenport has hired some extra help during these recent months. Auto mechanics and body shop workers are in high demand in the sparsely populated town, and Davenport has had to go as
far as neighboring Siegel County to get the help he needs

.
The strangest incident in Smallville occurred after a homecoming dance in October when students leaving the dance were surprised to find three pickup trucks stacked one on top of another. "I have no idea how that one happened," Davenport said. "I rented a crane, got 'em down, fixed some minor scratches, and that was that." Ironically, one of those same trucks barely made it out of the shop before getting into a serious accident the very next day.

When asked what may be causing this unique situation, Lowell County sheriff Mark Waid speculated, "I'm thinking it's the animals. Think about it: these things just run around out in the road like they own the place--what do they expect? People are gonna hit 'em! I mean, I love the little deers and rabbits as much as anyone else, but they oughta know better."
While unable to apply his unruly animals theory to the piled trucks incident, Waid did add that crews will be adding more lighting to major roads to prevent accidents.

Smallville High quarterback Whitney Fordman has been involved in at least 3 of the 59 traffic incidents. He and his family declined to comment. So far, the incidents have resulted in no loss of human life, but many Smallvillians are hoping for a return to normalcy soon.

METROPOLIS MUSEUM
GUARDS KILL THIEVING COP

by Gena McGuiness

Metropolis Museum guards reportedly shot and killed city police detective Sam Phelan last night after the officer opened fire on security personnel.
Responding to a bomb threat, guards evacuated the museum only to discover the scare was a hoax. Museum benefactor Lex Luthor, apparently unconcerned for his own safety, proved the bomb was a dud when he opened the ominous box to find a ticking clock. "That Luthor kid just opened that ticking box like it was nothing. I was completely shocked. Then something came crashing through the window," explained a bystander. Museum guards rushed to the Luthor Hall exhibit to find Detective Phelan. Returning fire, security officers shot the alleged rogue cop in the chest. He was later pronounced dead at the scene.

A 15-year veteran of the Metropolis Police Department, Phelan was a decorated officer who had recently become the subject of an Internal Affairs inquiry. "We are unable to comment on the details of our investigation of Detective Phelan," said an I.A. spokesman, "however, we suspect misconduct dating back to the early 1990s."

RICKMAN EYES SMALLVILLE

by Christopher James Beppo

Pesticide magnate Bob Rickman has begun surveying sites in Smallville for a new plant, promising to attract builders and provide an infusion of jobs to the local economy. If approved by the Center for Environmental Protection, Rickman's expansion would mark a homecoming of sorts for the former farm equipment salesman. In the late '80s and early '90s, the persuasive Rickman could be found relentlessly hawking his wares among the cornfields and barns of Smallville, often sealing the deal with nothing more than a firm handshake. His success garnered him salesman of the year honors from the Society of Agriculture Equipment Dealers three years in a row.

However, the brilliant entrepreneur's career has not been without controversy. After splitting with his sales partner, Rickman founded Rickman Industries, which has been the subject of numerous investigations into unsafe practices. The company's pesticide plants have been blamed for tainted ground water and dozens of vinyl chloride poisoning cases, causing some competitors to refer to Rickman as a "locust who renders small towns uninhabitable." Although Rickman has managed to evade prosecution, his signature charm may not be enough to push through this latest development plan, which centers on a riverside plot of land that hasn't changed hands in decades and threatens severe devastation to the pristine environment of Smallville.