"Blah" by Andy Dufilie

Lately, Bob had been eating only frozen pizza. He did not own an oven, so he had to let the pizza defrost on its own until he could eat it. Bob grew tired of this, and decided it was about time he got something new to eat. One day, Bob took a walk down to the supermarket to buy some food. Bob asked the store manager what he thought was the best food item in the store. The manager said, "Well, that's got to be our frozen pizza! Go down that-a-way 'til you get to that pile of cans, then take a right." Bob was a little disappointed to hear this, but he walked down 'that-a-way' anyhow.

As Bob approached the cans, he slipped on a box of frozen carrots and slammed into the pile. After picking himself up and putting the fallen cans back in place, he found that he had a cut on his hand. Bob saw some band-aids, so he picked up a box. The box felt unusually heavy, so he assumed there were many band-aids in it. Carrying the box, he then took a right towards where the manager said there was frozen pizza.

Bob found the pizza, and got an ache in his stomach. He was getting hungry. Bob hesitated as he opened the freezer and reached out for the pizza. Remembering that he wanted to try something new, he closed the door and looked at the other food they had in the freezers. Some things he saw were chicken nuggets, fish sticks, corn, and peas. Bob didn't like any of these very much, so he took a walk through the other aisles. Bob discovered that the store sold mostly frozen goods.

He found that just about the only edible items they sold that weren't frozen were salt, pepper, and the big pile of cans. He went back to the cans to see what was available. Bob searched through the cans for about fifteen minutes before he found something he wanted to buy. He had decided on the Beefy Marshmallow Chunk Soup. Bob walked towards the cash register.

Just as he arrived at the cash register, the lady at the desk mumbled something. Bob said, "Did you say 'Cash Register?!?'" She said, "What?" Bob then said, "Umm," and looked at the items on the tiny shelves nearby. He found a pack of Nopem RedGum, and decided to buy that as well. There was someone in front of him, so he had to wait about five minutes for the person to write a check. At this time, Bob was getting very hungry, and his stomach growled. The lady said to him, "Did you say 'Furniture Store?!?'" Bob said, "Not that I know of." She gave him a funny look, and then the person in front of Bob handed her a check.

As Bob laid his three items on the counter, the lady said to the person, "Thank you, call again!" She then asked Bob, "Will that be all?" Bob thought for a moment, and then noticed something shiny in the shelves. It was a can opener, something Bob didn't have. He said, "No," picked up the can opener, placed it on the counter, and then said, "Yes," with a smile. The lady then entered the prices in the cash register, and asked Bob for five dollars. Without asking why, he handed her a five dollar bill. She said, "Thanks," and pocketed the money while Bob turned around to look at the shiny helium balloons tied to the shelves.

The lady then hit some buttons on the cash register, and it emitted a satisfying "Ding!" She asked Bob for four dollars and twenty-three cents. Again, without asking what it was for, he handed her the money. She then said, "Thank you, call again!" Assuming that he had just paid for his items, he picked them up and walked through the exit door. Bob saw a big red machine that had, "Insert coin here," written above a small rectangular hole in it. Bob inserted a quarter, and a blue rubber ball popped out of a bigger rectangular hole below. Bob was amazed at how this machine could turn a coin into a rubber ball.

As Bob began walking home, he noticed that the ball had something written on it. Painted in white letters was, "BLAH." He then threw it at the ground to see if it bounced well. The ball did bounce, and it came back up well above his head. Bob caught it with a grin on his face as it fell back to earth due to gravity. He continued on home, bouncing his new toy off of walls, passing cars, and stray animals along the way.

When Bob arrived at his house, he opened the can of Beefy Marshmallow Chunk Soup with his new can opener. Bob ate the contents, and it tasted delicious. It rid him of his hunger quickly. He liked this newfound food much better than any frozen pizza he had eaten. Bob then remembered he had a cut on his hand. He opened up the box labeled Band-aids, and found that there were no actual band-aids in it. Instead, he found a bundle of coupons for free Beefy Marshmallow Chunk Soup, and one coupon for a free oven. Bob was very disappointed that he did not get any band-aids in the box.

After cleaning out the can and putting it in his bin for recyclable material, Bob remembered that he had bought some gum. Bob opened the pack labeled Nopem RedGum, and found five wrapped pieces. He opened one after the other, stuffing all of it in his mouth. When he reached the last one, he found that there was a band-aid inside instead of gum. He put it over the cut on his hand. Bob was very disappointed that he did not get all the gum he was expecting.

Bob picked up his blue rubber ball and proceeded to bounce it off of everything. After breaking a lamp and knocking down a few paintings, he decided to stop. By now, it was getting late. Bob turned off all the lights and locked the doors. He went to bed after a long and exciting day.