The hardest part of owning a
dog is knowing that they do not live as long as we do. We spend a more than a decade with
our friends and in that time they go from an active youngster to an elderly dog. Then we
have to say good bye to a friend that has been by our side through good times and bad. The
loss is compounded by the fact that not everyone will understand how we feel. When a human
family member dies, friends and co-workers are quick to rally round, but when a beloved
pet dies, often the sentiment is " well, it was just a dog"! The pain and loss
felt by a grieving pet owner is often just as real and deep as if a human family member
had died. To move on, it is necessary to allow time to grieve and to understand that the
pain felt is normal.
Grief is Normal
The first step in moving on
is to recognize that the grief you feel is totally normal. Do not be ashamed of the depth
of your grief. You loved your pet and is natural that you would feel deep pain at his
passing. For many, the dog is actually a family member in every sense of the word. Often,
for a person without much immediate family or for a senior citizen, the dog is the center
of his or her world. The loss of a pet in these circumstances can be especially
devastating and the grief can be crippling. Recognize that it would be abnormal not to
grieve. Take time to mourn. Spend time remembering the good things about your pet and your
relationship with him. There are support groups in many areas that hold meetings for
people to discuss their loss. Your vet may be able to recommend a group in your area.
It helps to accept your
pet’s passing by observing it in some meaningful way. Some people hold services for
their pets and you may find a pet cemetery in your area that can help you. You don’t
necessarily have to be so formal, however. A group of friends gathered to remember a good
dog is as good a service as any held in a church or cemetery. You may elect to write a
poem about your dog. Perhaps making a donation to an animal shelter or planting a tree in
his memory would be a good choice.
Time
You will not be able to get
over the loss in one day. Just as you would at the death of a human family member, take
the time to mourn. Take a day or two off work if you can. Realize that it will take time
to feel better, but that you will feel better eventually. Time is a great healer. Try to
get enough sleep and reduce other stresses if possible.
The Stages of Mourning
Recognize the five natural
stages of mourning. The first stage is denial—"this cannot have happened",
"my dog cannot have died". It is a natural human defense reaction to the intense
stress of a loss to deny that it occurred. The next stage is anger. You rage against the
vet who could not save your beloved pet, or the person who inadvertently left the gate
open, or even against God for taking your pet away. Anger is often a mask that covers the
intense grief. It is easier to be angry than to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the
pain and grief. The third stage is bargaining. We run through the events in our mind and
try to find a different conclusion-"if only I got a second opinion", "if
only I had tried harder". It is our mind’s way of trying to regain control of a
hopeless situation. The fourth and perhaps the most painful stage is depression. The
mourner has given in to the sadness and grief. This is a natural reaction. The final stage
is acceptance. The mourner comes to terms with the death and has learned to move on. There
is no set time for each stage—people deal with pain differently. A person with
multiple pets or a large support network may recover faster than a person who is
relatively alone. If the mourner does not seem to be recovering from the depression in
time, the situation may require the intervention of a family member or perhaps a
counselor.
Children and Mourning
Children can deeply feel the
loss of a cherished pet. It may be doubly painful for a child as he may not really
understand what death is. Talk to him honestly about the loss and his feelings. Let him
know that it is ok to be sad and let him ask questions. Be supportive and a good listener.
Healing
With time, the pain of your
loss will be replaced by the memories of the love you shared with your dog. It may seem at
first that you will never laugh again, but soon you will find yourself chuckling as you
remember some silly thing your dog did or some happy time that you shared.
Do not allow yourself to be
pressured into getting a "replacement" dog. Dogs, like humans, are all
individuals. You can never replace the dog that you loved. That said, when YOU are ready,
get another dog. Be sure that the time is right, but don’t allow yourself to say
"I will never have another dog!. The greatest gift you can give your beloved pet is
to give another dog all the love and happiness that you gave him.
Suggested Reading:
Preparing for the Loss of
Your Pet : Saying Goodbye with Love, Dignity, and Peace of Mind, Myrna M. Milani; Format:
Sofcover, 377 pp: ISBN: 0761516484; Publisher: Prima Publishing; Pub.
Date: Nov 1998
Final Farewell : Preparing
for & Mourning the Loss of Your Pet, Marty Tousley, Katherine Heuerman; Format:
Sofcover, 85 pp; ISBN: 0965712818; Publisher: Our Pals; Pub. Date:
Nov 1997
Links
