Guests pass out of the caverns. They are just outside a
small Caribbean island, with the island to the right and the open foggy
sea to the left. They have traveled back in time - a full sized pirate ship
is anchored just outside the port!
Cannonballs whistle and fly overhead, too fast to see, but we can see the
splash that the misfired ones make in the water! The fort appears to be
in bad shape, with several holes in it. We can see the pirate captain standing
aboard the ship, shouting commands at his crew. Pirates occasionally appear
from the cannon hold, popping up momentarily to aim and then dropping out
of sight cowardly. The captain is the only pirate who really knows what
he's doing.
Throughout this battle the captain and the Spanish fortress soldiers hurl
insults at each other.
GUN MAN 1:
Down shuttles, Cap'n! Went clean through the mizzen mast!
CAPTAIN:
Pipe the ruddy wreckage away, stand lay yer guns bare! Surrender, ye
lilly-livered lubbers! Another broadside and ye goes down with the tide.
SPAINARDS:
Otros carrazones! Wee'l fix you! We weel sink your steenkin' ship!
CAPTAIN:
Give it to them again, lads, Aye, that'll show the bilge rats! Avast
ya scurvey scum! Run up yer white flag! Well then! Give 'em a broadside! Pound
'em lads! Pound 'em!
SPAINARDS:
Wee'l sink you...
GUN MAN 2:
Two men down and four gone.
SPAINARDS:
We weel never surrender! We're gonna sink yer steenkin' ship!
CAPTAIN:
Take 'em below! Clear the decks lads. Strike yer colors, ya bloomin'
cockroaches! By thunder we'll see you to Davy Jones! He needs persuasion,
mates! Fire at will!
A Misfired cannonball.
Guests pass between two guard towers and are now inside this once peaceful
Caribbean town. The pirates appear to have won, for they are now standing
just inside the town around a well. The pirate Captain menaces over the
mouth of the well. A nearby pirate has several of the town political figures
tied up in a line, each one in bedclothes, all of them terrified by the
spectacle playing out before their eyes. They have smashed in the door of
the Mayor’s house.
The area around the well is piled high with treasure, and a nearby pirate
plays a little ditty on a flute.
The captain motions one hook hand upwards, and a nearby grinning pirate
raises whatever is on the other end of the hoist rope out of the well. It
is a chair, and tied to the chair is the rotund mayor, Carlos. He spits water
out of his mouth as he is raised.
CAPTAIN:
Pipe the lubber aloft, matey... Speak up you bilge rat, where be the
treasure?
A woman in a upstairs window unceremoniously flings the shutters open
– Carlos’ wife – and shouts at the pirates below.
CARLOS' WIFE:
Do not tell him Carlos...No, no no no!
A grinning pirate raises his musket and fires a shot at the woman. Her
flower-pots explode, and she screams and slams the shutters closed. The
assembled pirates cackle.
CARLOS:
No, no por favor, no no no.
Carlos is dropped back down the well for another dunking, his speech
is garbled by water as he drops.
CAPTAIN:
Pipe him aloft again matey. By gum he'll talk, or do a fine dance at
rope's end! Be that clear, Senor?
As Carlos’ head peeks up over the edge of the well once again, the shutters
fly open and Carlos’ wife appears at the window.
CARLOS' WIFE:
Don't tell him, don't be cheecken.
Another gunshot, another shriek, another flowerpot explodes, and the
shutters slam shut.
CARLOS:
I am not chicken, I will not talk, I will not talk.
The Captain motions and the pirate drops him down the well once again.
Guests pass an anchored skiff and into a courtyard. To the right several
bachelor pirates are seated on a series of steps.
To the left, high above all other pirates, stands a jolly-looking pirate,
holding in one hand a whip and motioning around with the other. Just behind
him is a sweet looking but rather fat woman.
He is an auctioneer and is selling the woman to lucky pirates. Other "wares"
stand nearby, all of them crying, except for one - a buxom young lady in
a red dress who fixes her hair and silently flirts with the pirates across
the river. A nearby pirate, armed with a gun, appears not to mind guarding
her.
A banner in the background proclaims: "BUY A BRIDE!", scrawled on a wedding
dress. Other hecklers stand around in various stages of inebriation. A nearby
assistant auctioneer sits with a shotgun to silence any pirates who get
out of hand.
AUCTIONEER:
Weigh anchor now ye swabbies. What be I offered for this winsome wench?
Stout hearted, and corn fed she be...
HECKLER:
Aye, be ya selling her by the pound?
AUCTIONEER:
Shift yer cargo dearie, show 'em your larboard side.
The fat woman giggles and obligingly turns around.
BACHELOR:
We wants the redhead!
AUCTIONEER:
Belay there, ya foc' s' al swab!
HECKLER:
Aye, the redhead!
ALL BACHELORS:
WE WANTS THE REDHEAD! WE WANTS THE REDHEAD! WE WANTS THE REDHEAD...
ASSIT. AUCTIONEER:
Avast there!
The Assit. auctioneer fires a shot above the crowd's head, hitting a
nearby sign, causing it to rock back and forth. The crowd is immediately silenced.
AUCTIONEER:
And now you bilge rats, do I hear six, who makes it six?
DRUNK HECKLER:
Six, six it be. Six bottles of rum.
The auctioneer shoots him a dirty glance. The drunk is shaking his bottle
of beer, examining the contents.
AUCTIONEER:
I'm not spungin' for rum-- it be gold I'm after. Strike your colors
you brazen wench. No need to expose your superstructure.
ALL BACHELORS:
WE WANTS THE READHEAD! WE WANTS THE REDHEAD! WE WANTS THE REDHEAD!
HECKLER:
Pipe the redhead aboard. Come on now!
ASSIT. AUCTIONEER:
Quiet ya scum!
He fires another shot above their heads.
Passing under a bridge, guests view a large courtyard. Various doors in
the buildings open to small, stately houses. Running in and out of each door
are various women, each one with a drunken pirate in close pursuit. One
woman chases a pirate with a broom.
Leaning up against a barrel near the boats is an obviously drunken pirate.
In one hand he holds a woman's high-heeled shoe and a ripped off piece of
her dress.
PIRATE:
Ah, shiver me soul. I's dead wore out, I be. A mite too fast these light-footed
wenches be for the likes of an old schweg-bellied pirates such as I! Now
where be that fascinatin' little old treasure, aye? Heave-to, mateys! Say,
have you set your eyes on the bewitched maiden in your travels? Oh she be
a lively lassie she were. Oh, I tell you true... it's alright be to hoist
me colors on the likes of that shy little wench! Uh ha, uh ha, uh ha ha ha,
uh ha. Favor - keep a weather eye open, mateys, I be willin' to share, I
be! Ha uh ha!
The woman he speaks of, terrified, peeks out of the barrel he leans against!
The pirate, oblivious, does not notice this, or the dog that is barking
at the woman as she peers out of the barrel in dismay.
Across from them a drunken old pirate sits on a barrel, a mug of beer in
one hand. Atop a nearby barrel are two cats, tails erect and fur sticking
up. They hiss at him, but he doesn't really seem to notice or care.
DRUNK:
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty? Have a little ol' time rum with old Bill,
aye? Come on now, be a nice little pussy cat! Ha ha. Oh, you be a fiesty one
you be! Ha ha ha...
The two cats shake their heads in rejection whenever he asks if they wish
to have a drink.