Welcome readers!

I am pleased as the proverbial American punch to have finally arrived here at Interweb Cybertech Palo Alto headquarters by steam barge from Hokkaido. The barge was full of very stinky pigs and their waste, but who am I to complain?

On my arrival, I was deloused and put in a panda cage until Ahmed Kazikian Industry was able to complete construction of IW CT’s PA HQ. I am very confused and would like to go home. Finally, they give me an office. And told me to write monthly newsletter.

I don’t know what that is. It has to do with HTML and VBQ, I am told. In my home country, I grew rice. I can write about rice, but they said they would kill my family if I do that. If anyone can help me, I would like very much to go home now. Please.