Have you ever thrown out some garbage? Sure, we all have. But have you ever wished you could get something back; say, an important document or 5,000 lbs. of 24k gold that you discarded accidentally? Why, in the antiquated world of yesterday, you’d have to get in the car, drive to your local landfill and spend hours upon hours digging through biomedical waste and seagull droppings only to return home empty-handed and filth-encrusted.
It was precisely this crust of filth that led to Ahmed Kazikian’s Waste Removal and StorageSM. For a small* monthly fee, we will not only remove your garbage, but also ship it to South America and store it in eco-friendly containers built of exotic rainforest woods. When your trash arrives in the unspoiled wilderness of Paraguay’s Mbaracayú Nature Reserve, it will be carefully sorted and arranged by date and volume.
Now when you suddenly need that banana peel from 6 weeks ago, all you have to do is call our 24 hour toll-free** service number at 1-800-451-7777. We will arrange your flight and provide a Spanish-speaking migrant laborer who is willing to work for pennies in the wake of the Venezuelan economic downfall. Pedro will painstakingly pick though gallons of your filth, until your needs as a customer are fully met.
Due to increased consumer demand, AK WRS has since expanded into other industries, with primary interests in world domination and offending the populace. Click here to learn more.
Imagine the possibilities! Witness the future! Come to AKI®.