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As our story begins, Mirage (formerly Cheetor) joins Tankor (ex-Rhinox)in a secret chamber. MIRAGE:"What's gong on, Rhinox? Why the secret meeting?" TANKOR:"Don't call me that, Cheetor." {proudly} "It's 'Tankor' now. And I called you because you and I both know that Megatron is the wrong leader for us." MIRAGE:"But he showed us that denoucing the evils of truth and love..." TANKOR:"DON'T SAY THAT!!!!!! You want Fox Kids to get sued?" MIRAGE:"...is the true path! Why should we betray him?" TANKOR:"Because we spent 3 years fighting him in the Beast Wars. You really want to serve a guy who tried to destroy you over and over again?" MIRAGE:"You've met my agent?" {thinks} "Oh, right. So why are we here?" TANKOR:"This is the only bits of our past that wasn't destroyed." MIRAGE:"You mean this is everything Megatron hasn't destroyed?" TANKOR:"Megatron? No, this all that the Maximal Elders hadn't destroyed. Megatron hardly had the chance to do anything." MIRAGE:"Yeah, what was up with them? Why did they erase all the Great War history and stuff?" Tankorhinox shows Cheetorage a set of report cards. MIRAGE:"Gee, those are real bad history grades. Kind of like my math grades."TANKOR:"Yeah, found those too. Pathetic. Anyway I've learned many things." MIRAGE:"You mean that the Oracle is really an old Autobot supercomputer? TANKOR:"Oh, right. Who didn't know that? I've found out how the Great War ended. Take a look at this." Tankor activates a video panel showing an old news clip. REPORTER:"Today, in a stunning joint libel suit against the newsgroup alt.toys.transformers, the Autobot Tracks and the estate of Decepticon Starscream won 15.25 million credits over constant remarks about gender preference. Tracks complained that statement about his orentation not only put a strain on his 8 year marriage to Anna Nicole Smith, but resulted in the suicide of his friend Raul. Starscream's daughter, Windchaser, also claims that her father killed himself over the allegations despite evidence of murder by Decepticon leader Galvatron....."[This is part of another running gag on the ATT newsgroup. One I don't particularly care for. And Windchaser is an ATT poster who's fanfic character is the daughter of the Decepticon Starscream.] TANKOR:"This lead to an mutual understanding between Autobot and Decepticon, and our leaving of Earth." MIRAGE:"Then how did the Autobots win the War?" TANKOR:"An arm wrestling match between Optimus Prime and Galvatron." MIRAGE:"Whoa. So, what else have you learned, Rhinox?" TANKOR:"That's 'Tankor', Cheetor!" MIRAGE:"That's 'Mirage', Rhinox!" TANKOR:"Fine; I'll call you 'Mirage' and you call me 'Tankor'. Deal?" MIRAGE:{nods} "Deal!" DRONE:"Excuse me, master, but you may wish to take a look at this!" Tankor and Mirage watch a series of data scroll on the data screen. MIRAGE:"You know what this means?"TANKOR:"Yep. We better tell Optimus about this." MIRAGE:"But we don't work for him anymore. We work for Megatron. Why take it to Optimus?" TANKOR:"It's what we always do. Now come on, Cheetor." MIRAGE:"Right behind you, Rhinox!" Later, at the Maximal base..... OPTIMUS:"OK, U-Haul's all loaded up. Let's move out, Maximals!"RATTRAP:"Man, wait until you see the new place. Indoor hottub, game room, and satellite television! It's great!" BLACKARACHNIA:"That's my Ratty! He's a real dealmaker!" RATTRAP:{to himself}"I'd like to deal myself away from you, you cheep little tr..." Suddenly the doorbell rings. NIGHTSCREAM:"I'll get it!"{opens door}"Ummm, I think it's for you, Optimus."OPTIMUS:"Great! My girl scout cookies."{goes to the door}"Uh,oh." TANKOR:"Avon calling! May we come in?" RATTRAP:"Give us one good reason why we should?" Tankor aims his cannon right at Rattrap. RATTRAP:"Hey, come on in! I'll put some tea on. (Oh, wait, we packed the teapot already.)"MIRAGE:"We're not here for tea. Unless Blackarachnia made it. -_^" BLACHARACHNIA:"Please get over it. I only wanna get *my* hands on Rattrap." RATTRAP:"And I'd love to get my hands on the writer of this slag!" TANKOR:"Never mind all that. Primal, take a look at this." Tankor shows the Maximals a recording of the data on his palmtop. PRIMAL:"By the Matrix! Then this whole technorganic war is a farce! The real reason for all this-going to old Earth to meets our sleeping ancestors, learning all about G1 history, all the comic references and anime influences--it wasn't to bring *organics* to Cybertron!"RATTRAP:"Then what was it all about?" PRIMAL:"We're supposed to bring one continuity to Cybertron! To merge the American and Japnese cartoons with the US and UK comics. Creating one reality! It's what the fans truly want! Come on, Maximals (and you unholy Vehicons). We must take this right to Megatron!" Hours later at Megatron's citadel...... PRIMAL:"So you see, Megatron, that's what this has been all about--to merge all continuities to make one distinct timeline!"MEGATRON:"Oh, really? Have you actually read the comics? There's so much data that in no way, shape, or form can possibly match what happens in the series. And Marvel did both! And the Japanese? They can't even use the same name as the rest of the stinking planet, for Unicron's sake! And you want to bring the universes together? You really are mad! Next you'll be telling me that you're going to open the Plasma Energy Chamber and wipe out the entire planet! PRIMAL:"Oh, come on. How stupid do you think I am? Ummm, don't answer that. Anyway, it's what the fans want, so we should give it to them!" MEGATRON:"Riiiiight. Next we'll incorporate GIJoe's comics and cartoons with Action Force! Give me one good reason why I should join this loonisy when I have my own loonisy to comit!" PRIMAL:"Because if you don't, the fans may stop buying your toys, and Hasbro will fire you. Do you really want to return to your last job?" MEGATRON:"Would you like fries with that?" MEGATRON:"Um, Ok, go ahead. You can even borrow my generals. They are at your disposal." PRIMAL:"I knew you'd do the right thing. Come on, Maximals and Vehicons. Let's create a new world." JETSTORM and THRUST:{whinning}"Do we have to?" "I don't wanna." Megatron presses the torture button and a 10 ton weight falls on the two Vehicons. BOTH:"We change our mind."The Maximals and Vehicons go to leave. Then Optimus Primal turns around. PRIMAL:"I'll be back soon to transform your day into....MEGATRON:"Just go!" PRIMAL:"Spoilsport." Primal follows the others out. MEGATRON:"Ah, at last. Drone, put in....the video!"DRONE:"Oh, no. Please don't make me put on that garbage!" MEGATRON:"DO IT!!!!" The Drone puts a tape in the VCR. TAPE:"And now our feature presentation...The Smurfs and the Magic Flute!"MEGATRON:"Ahhh, I love this movie." |